You ought to get married.
Somebody should’ve warned me of when I would celebrate my 26th birthday, instead of receiving well-wishes; I’d be getting marriage proposals.
At first I believed it’s just a light-hearted joke that people seem to be taking too much interest in my personal life.
After investigating further, it seems every relative or friend that I encounter will at some point bring up the topic of “So, have found THE girl in your life yet?
It’s not just a question that is gender specific either, my friends of the opposite gender seem to be facing the same conundrum.
“I can’t go anywhere without my mum saying, don’t you think you should be married by now”, said my successful Accountant buddy — who is on her way to moving to Europe; surely she wouldn’t have to put up with this crap over in Europe.
Turns out, I was wrong — apparently it’s not JUST relatives and friends. It’s every fucking person that’s in a relationship or getting ready to tie the knot, who feels like they’re Jehovah’s witnesses; knocking door to door “Sir/Madam, You look like you’re 30. You ought to get married.”
(No offence to my Christian friends for using that reference)
Just when I thought I had it worse, after ranting endlessly to my other single friends of the opposite sex — they share stories with me which wound up basically making me want to consider solitary confinement.
“My coworkers keep asking me when I’ll settle down. We can’t have a girls night out anymore, because someone or the other will start pointing out guys to me. ‘Hey they one looks interested in you’ they’ll say. I’ve stopped going out.”
I suggested we start a support group, for us single individuals who society just can’t bear the thought of ‘being alone’.
Which brings me to my second problem, society misunderstands “Being Alone” for “Being Lonely”.
As though there’s something missing or incomplete within us, if we’re not thinking about marriage by the age of 30.
I can’t even rant anymore because I feel like as a man, I actually have it a lot easier than women do.
As another great female friend of mine, who hasn’t come-out to her family yet tells me;
“Yeap. Basically my family wants the entire world to know I’ll be infertile at some point so someone better just put a baby in me.”
What a crock of shit.
Don’t elderly people have anything better to do than coerce single and independent folks into the marriage trap?
I’ve got nothing against marriage, neither do I have anything against children — as long they’re not mine.
It’s not because I’m “too afraid of commitment” either, though it seems to be the assumption my relatives keep making.
I guess somewhere along the path to growing up, I forgot to read the pamphlet that informed me; “Society will think you’re odd if you aren’t thinking about marriage by the age of 30”.
I used to blame this phenomenon on my Pakistani heritage and culture — tradition, maybe?
Turns out, I was kinda wrong — because it’s not arranged marriage that seems to be the problem, it’s simply “WHY ARE YOU NOT MARRIED?” that seems to be the song elderly folks keep chanting across the world.
My parents expect me to provide them with “grandchildren” to play with, without realising — those grandchildren don’t stay the same age, those cute little toddlers grow up to be monsters; just like me.
Then there’s a select hopeful few, who tell me “Oh you just haven’t found the right one yet, it’ll change when you do.”
That chances of that happening are just about the same as me getting hit by a bus (God Forbid).
It’s a simple thought, maybe even one genuinely brought-upon out of love, but it’s cancerous and imposing — to have to sit through a list of all the benefits of being married; the constant nagging has metastasised into social gatherings with the “Marriage Question” being on everybody’s mind.
Whilst, I can’t come to grips with why it’s so difficult to accept being “Single” is perfectly fine — seriously mum I’m not secretly a psychopath!
I’m a pretty blatant one, who is very content with being single.
Considering how it’s a topic that doesn’t seem to go away, it’s only driving me away from being around people I genuinely care about; because “Please stop psychoanalysing my private life by telling me I’m incomplete without marriage”.
My choice to be Celibate is a decision that shouldn’t bother others; yet it does.
The term “You ought to get married”, brings more joy to others than it does to me.
To my friends who can’t help but share the wonders of their newly married life with me, even though I don’t have a social-media profile — it seems like they’re just waiting for me to join their cult.
Sure, it’s odd — that I can’t hang out with my friend anymore, without feeling like I really don’t belong; because they’re all now married up and thinking about children, still reminiscing about their honeymoon in Ireland.
The rest simply can’t come hang out, because “I gotta ask the wife”; which is fine, since I don’t have a wife that maintains a travel log on me — I’ve gotten quite comfortable with just hanging out by myself and meeting other single folks who just enjoy good company. Nothing more and nothing less, just a jolly conversation as I share the conundrum I’m in with strangers.
Since I don’t want to appear discourteous to people who won’t stop preaching to me about all the benefits and wonders marriage brings,
I’m just thinking about how I’ll be ranting about it later on medium.
Thank you for reading. :)