Dear Law-Abiding Citizen (with an inflated sense of superiority),
I understand the nerve you have for failing to respect uniformed officers, who are simply doing their job, to establish yourself as the ‘edgy’ individual that you project yourself to be — and though the physically imposing nature of their presence makes you uncomfortable; do remember that Law Enforcement dogs too are “Ranked Officials” and as such, “petting a police dog” is a federal offence.
When I say “petting”, let me elaborate on what else it includes;
- Harassment — Physical and Verbal, meaning you cannot hurl curses at them, touch them, get in the way of them doing their job, assault them, or perform an act which puts their life at risk, and pretty much every thing else you cannot do to a Law Enforcement Official (The Human Kind).
- Distraction — Making silly faces, shoving doggy treats, dancing in front of them, the urge to constantly “touch” them, failure to comply when they alert their handlers, calling made-up nicknames, taunting, spitting, asking them to sit, stand, roll around, or do a back-flip are all categorised as legal offences.
Well Sir, you are well and truly “fucked” — because little did your peanut-brain comprehend, Law-Enforcement K-9s often outrank their Handlers and are Sworn-In Officials on Duty.
Meaning, if they have their vest on — you can’t fuck around with them.
They’ve got a job to do.
In-fact, these wonderful creatures comprehend the patience well-beyond a “human” law-enforcement official does — and as such will not respond to your antics; they only respond to their handlers, but will happily comply in biting yours pants off should you test their patience.
I understand why this might be a complicated subject for you to grasp, since “they’re just dogs” is as far as your human brain can comprehend the rights to which these K-9s are extended to.
You see, these especially trained dogs are in fact given “titles and ranks” and are treated with the same respect as a “human” law-enforcement official is within and outside of their unit of command; hence the badge.
So…if you find yourself in a position where you may find yourself in the presence of a Law-Enforcement Dog, do remember; any physical or verbal offence is punishable for up to 10-Years of imprisonment.
To make your life a little easier, next time you decide to “kick a police dog”, read-up on the Official List of Legal Offences and Proceedings relating to Law Enforcement Animals..
18 USC 1368 — Harming Animals Used in Law Enforcement
(a) Whoever willfully and maliciously harms any police animal, or attempts or conspires to do so, shall be fined under this title and imprisoned not more than 1 year. If the offense permanently disables or disfigures the animal, or causes serious bodily injury to or the death of the animal, the maximum term of imprisonment shall be 10 years.
(b) In this section, the term “police animal” means a dog or horse employed by a Federal agency (whether in the executive, legislative, or judicial branch) for the principal purpose of aiding in the detection of criminal activity, enforcement of laws, or apprehension of criminal offenders.
Further to Reference,
18 USC 1368 - Harming Animals Used in Law Enforcement - Crimes and Criminal Procedure - US Code
United States Code (US Code) includes federal laws on domestic security, aliens and nationality, bankruptcy…
The Jerk that told you not to fuck around with the Police Dog.
P.S. Good luck with the court proceedings.