Veteran Hollywood Psychologist claims he’s been chugging vodka to get through therapy sessions.
Famous Hollywood Therapist and Local bodybuilder who loves flashing his penis at the gym, Dr. Jim D. Sells; revealed in a candid interview with Inside Hell’s-wood Magazine that his secret to success has always been Premium Vodka.
“I’m a great fan of Russian Literature, and if there’s one thing the Russian’s get right consistently is that Vodka pretty much is the solution to everything from dealing with a Former Assassin to Dealing with your Divorce.
It’s the ultimate solution to getting through lousy therapy sessions.
When I first started my career, I truly did give a fuck. It was truly encouraging for me to listen to A-Listers open their hearts and often completely reveal themselves to me; giving me all the gossip I needed to earn some extra dough on the side by leaking it to Tabloids.
I truly loved my career, until it all came tumbling down.”
“The stories started to get intense”, Dr. D. Sells claims, “‘it wasn’t hey dude I popped a few xannies and cheated on my wives’. It was much much worse. I couldn’t just sit there and listen to this shit, so I started replacing my Voss Nordic Water with Premium Vodka; an art crafted by the great people of Russia. I chugged and chugged gallons of it — it got a point that I’d just simply relax, sit back, and enjoy the lousy actors as they cried about how they got the shit beat out of them because they refused to dress in drag for a scene. Such pussies. Who doesn’t like drag? Anyways, I started minting money and totally didn’t need the extra cash I was earning from leaking juice gossip — but I kept doing it anyways cause I had so much time on my hands. I even just pulled out my iPad and pretended to be taking down notes whilst actually just writing down whatever the fuck it was that these Academy Award winners were whining about for my next Tabloid Story. I tell you man, you ever wanna make it in Hollywood — Therapy is the place to be.”, as he fisted bumped us with his rotting mushroom shaped penis.
We’re told Dr. D. Sells is currently under investigation for Tax-Fraud, and as such local authorities have warned us to “Stay the fuck away from him.”