Vaping Enthusiast petitions for “Vaporlympics” to be officially recognised by the Olympic Games.

“group of people vaping on gazebo” by Rainier Ridao on Unsplash

-Blowing smoke rings through even bigger smoke rings, Arnie Couldée went on to explain why the art of “Vaping” is the future of the Olympic Games.

“It requires, dedication, lung capacity, breath control, oxygen monitoring, deep breathing, gag reflex control, neck push ups, neck pull ups, jaw breakers, and countless more exercises to master the art of ‘Vaping’. One does not simply qualify from a Street-Douchebag Vaper to Professional-Douchebag Vaper by simply blowing Smoke Rings.
It’s an art, it’s dedication; it’s bigger than the Moon Landing.
I don’t support the legalisation of Marijuana, but one has to understand the severity of the matter at hand. Vappening is happening whether people like it or not.
I say, all douchebags should just join my petition at GoFundMe and let’s fuckin’ get this thing going.
Like that movie with Tom Hardy, when he fuckin’ trains hard and rips ships — Warrior, I think it was. Motherfucker was throwing Tire Trucks.
Well guess what Tom Hardy, I do Tire Trucks with my Vape Smoke; motherfucker”, ranted a doozy Arnie Coulée.

When asked what motivated him to join the movement and become a professional douchebag, he went onto explain his past demons:

“You know, dude, you bring up a good point. I was a fuckin’ loser…I’ll admit I was jealous and kinda wanted attention. And then one day I just stopped givin’ a fuck. Realised just how bad those fucking Fluoride Water criminals are and moved onto Vaping. I don’t even drink Bottled Water anymore, I just get all my hydration from my vape-tractor (my own brand).
And then I saw this dude like fuckin’ jumping and shit diving into the water and I said ‘fuck that bullshit’, motherfuckers I can do that with my vape pen without jumping into disgusting, smelly, urine filled swimming pools.
So I called on other douchebags and started this movement we now proudly call ‘Vaporlympics’, where all of us douchebags gather around and blow smoke up each others ass. Hey you want me to blow you?”, Suffice it to say we politely declined the offer.

Whilst Olympic Officials have maintained there is nothing professional about vaping, the ‘Vaporlympics’ Douchebags disagree; calling it a “serious civil rights violation and lacking in Sports morale.

I failed to learn the piano, so I decided I’d play the keyboard instead. //All aboard the Crazytrain.

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