Toddler uncovers Corporate Conspiracy to make Cereal Addictive.

“child in Nirvana shirt standing near building” by Sharon Garcia on Unsplash

A sweet young toddler discovered the mother-load of all conspiracies as he munched on his “Fruity Toots”.

“I enjoying my morning breakfast, as I would any other day, after posting my morning ‘Wake and bake’ post to my Instagram and Snapchat followers; as I started beginning to notice an intriguing pattern. One in every Six Fruity Toots would keep getting stuck in my back of my tooth. Failing to find it it’s way down into my my belly. At first, I thought nothing of it — as a young and upcoming bloomer such as myself, does not have the time to worry about Fruit Toots getting stuck in the back of my teeth. I’ve got a busy schedule, errands to run, diapers to reap (Another Conspiracy theory, Lil’ Kid claims to have uncovered). So you can imagine, a young man has a very tight schedule to maintain. Our society puts too much pressure on complaining too much whilst not paying attention to the more refined details of life, because it is in these fine details that we find the truth. I was inspired after watching Michael Mann’s absolutely fantastic story-telling and passion in his Mockumentary “The Insider”. As you can imagine, my inner conspiracy senses were now tingling and I began to investigate the box and its’ contents. What I discovered was truly shocking and I believe it could bring down the whole house of cards of how these Corporate animals have been drugging us young’uns all these years with their “spiking of Sugar Levels” to make Fruity Toots more addictive. I discovered that following the alphabetical order, the Fruit Toots as a matter of fact do increase in Sugar Levels consistently by 20% per each single alphabet of Fruit Toots. For example, you may find from my Research; “A” the pink Fruity Toot alphabet has the sugar levels as described on the Box, but as one starts counting up to the alphabets, the sugar levels increase in their Protein to Sugar Ratio. I call it the P/S Ratio.
It’s blatantly obvious the ‘Cereal’ industry is in cahoots with the ‘Diaper’ Industry to make toddlers ‘poop’ more to sell more diapers.
I plan on staging a protest and a call for action for all Fruity Toots to be pulled from the shelves of Supermarkets and Local Groceries alike. We will also be demonstrating our disappointed my throwing our dirty diapers over the Fruity Toot boxes and light a fire to them.”

Whilst we do not condone violence or protesting in any way shape of form; Lil’ Kid has informed that things could get “smelly” if the police decides to intervene with the peaceful protest.

In his closing statement he stated, “When the system won’t fight it, you gotta fight the system.”

I failed to learn the piano, so I decided I’d play the keyboard instead. //All aboard the Crazytrain.

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