There’s a ghost in my stomach.
Hey Doc, my stomach has been making these weird noises.
Hmm…let’s have a look, shall we? Please take your shirt off.
Oh…come on, Doc. That’s a bit…
Oh okay…umm…alright. No touching.
I’ll need to do a scan.
Yeah…are you going to compliment my abs, doc?
…just do the scans.
Alright so looks like there’s nothing to be worried about.
What do you mean? What with all the noises then?
Maybe go get yourself something to eat. Avoid dairy products.
Is this some sort of conspiracy to make me go vegan?
…No. I’m sure it will help with your abs.
…Okay Doc. I’ll go eat.
I ate and I ate, till there was no more food left for those poor kids in Africa.
They’re starving you know…and here I was, devouring delicious smoked chicken sandwiches with fries on the side.
I meant Salad.
Grrrrr Grrrrr Grrrrr…
What is that noise, did I accidentally swallow a phone?
Is it even possible?
Google “Is it possible to swallow a Dildo?”
OH MY LORD, That is not what I was looking for.
What is going on, am I losing it?
Is this all in my head…I need to run. Running makes things better.
Oh Good Lord…Help. This is killing me. The cramps.
I think maybe drinking some Laxatives might help.
Gulp Gulp Gulp…still no silence.
What is goin…GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
Ahhhhhhhh! What the…
What do you want stomach?
Grrrr Grrrr Grrrr…
Gur Gur Gur?
Grrrr Grrrr Grrrr…
What the fuck is Gur?
Google “Stomach making weird noises”.
Google “Is it possible to get pregnant without having sex?”.
Oh that’s interesting, I didn’t know that.
WHAT GUR WHAT?
I’m not liking your attitude today, stomach.
Maybe a nap might help. Yeah…it might just do the trick.
Sleep, stomach, sleep.
Finally…some peace and quiet.
What is that?
Did I just…
It can’t be.
You’re not real.
Come on snap out of it, maybe this is a dream.
What do they call it, sleep paralysis or something?
I’m sweating like a whore in church, what are you trying to tell me?
Grr Gr Grrrrr Grrrrr Grrrr Gr Grrreeoop
Grr Gr Grrrr Grrrrr Grrrr Gr Grreeoop!
What on earth did I do to deserve this, was this the curse of the vegans finally catching along to me?
All the years of mocking them, maybe they’d put me under an Avocado spell.
Was this it, I wondered?
All those years, I thought it be the lungs that would get me. Not my stomach.
What a gassy way to go out…
GRRRRRRRR GRRRRRR GRRRRR
Are you mocking me? Is that even a laugh?
Fucker. You’re a mean stomach.
Where’s Doc…I need Doc.
Look Doc, I’m not making this up — this thing is talking to me.
You’re losing it. Keep it together.
I can’t…*Grrrr*… can you hear that?
Sounds like you’re rubbing your phone against your belly.
NOT MY BELLY! I HAVE ABS.
Whatever helps you sleep at night.
What is this?
I fall to the ground, curling up like a cinnamon spiced roll.
Oh those things are so delicious…yummy cinnamon spiced rolls.
My eyes, they’re getting…blurry.
This is it…I think, I’m going out. Good bye, cruel world.
I finally reach my hand down to give my abs one last good smothering rub.
It’s a belly. Stop lying to yourself.
What the fuck did you just say?
Stop playing mind games.
Fuck you, stomach. I’ll show you!
Oh yeah you take that, I’m going to stab you to death.
GRRR GRRRR GRRGRRRG GRGRGRGRGRGRGRGRRR!
Blood, so much blood. Wait that’s not blood.
What the fuck is this?
Didn’t I just stab myself.
No. You’ve just set me free, my master.
Master? What are you?
I’ve been living inside you, they call me Mr. Gut.
Mr. Gut? That’s a shitty name.
You haven’t been listening to me. I’ve tried telling you.
Telling me what?
They’re not abs, it’s a belly.