The easiest job in the world.

Critics and Crickets have a lot in common, they’re both tiny and love making squeaky annoying noises whilst hiding in the grass.

If I was completely talentless, I’d become a Critic.

It’s the easiest job in the world.

Basically the only real qualification required for the job is the ability to rant.

Which is really easy for people that are completely worthless.

People that basically never got to realise their dreams, so now they love pissing on people who actually attempt at doing so.

It takes a special kind of sociopath, to monetise off of other people’s work.

By basically poking criticism at something they’ve never attempted.

A student of mine got told, “You should think about becoming a plumber because fixing pipes and clearing drains is a lot easier than clogging them with your worthless pile of junk writing”.

Now this is personal because the student is not only a brilliant writer, but exceptionally talented with their achievement considering the background of the individuals upbringing.

I took offence to how the critic had nothing of value to add, so the critic dismissed the student rather than providing guidance.

So, being the jerk that I am, I called up the critic and told them — “At least my student is producing something worth clogging, hence creating an opportunity for the plumber. You’re just a worthless hack pretending to be an intellectual, get back to me when you actually produce something of value.”

I don’t care much for critics, nor do I care much for crickets.

I might find them in my garden every once in a while, and sometimes I’ll even squash them.

Because they’re so measly and worthless.

It’s basically like a child who grew up to realise there was no way in hell they’d ever become an Astronaut, so they went ahead and invented Conspiracy Theories.

“Surely the moon landing was fake! I never got do it.”

Worthless piles of measly garbage, their words mean nothing — keep on writing, keep on doing what you love.

Don’t let people who’ve never attempted anything except for ranting aimlessly, bring you down.

I know it to be true.

I deal with critics for a living.

I’m also the person that gets a call from their bosses every once in a while asking me for a favour.

This is usually the time when my tendency for revenge start tingling, and I torture my critics by having them sit through a reading of my work they previously criticised.

Then have them retract every single statement they made, because really that’s all they’re good for.

Pay no mind to it — anybody that ever accomplished anything worth remembering was told they were worthless by a “Critic”.

A ruthless example may be — the late Don Ohlmeyer of “NBC”, who told a comedian he wasn’t funny and fired him.

This is what was said after he passed away,

“…best known for his decision to fire Norm Macdonald from SNLs Weekend Update.”

Trust me, as a creator; you’ll have a better legacy than that.

Don’t let a “Critic” tell you what’s good and isn’t, let your audience decide.

To quote my favourite human being and author,

“Practice any art . . . no matter how well or badly, not to get money and fame, but to experience becoming, to find out what’s inside you, to make your soul grow.”

— Kurt Vonnegut.

Be kind to one another,

Thank you for reading!

I failed to learn the piano, so I decided I’d play the keyboard instead. //All aboard the Crazytrain.

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