The Colossal fuck-up i.e. Business Integration Specialists.

“white, yellow, and black graffiti painting” by Meriç Dağlı on Unsplash

Business Advisors be alarmed, Consultants are now being replaced with Job Integration Specialists —

The businesses so far have been running fine, but it’s gotten to the point that me and my reliable counterparts are coming to realise — we’re over-employed and struggling to synchronise.

The business that Me and my buddy Robin started together has out-grown us; and Marty, our Senior and most experienced partner who, amongst other things, managed both Me and Robin.

Whilst I run around doing my thing, Robin does his. It all boils down to Marty trying to piece all the information together.

It’s been a while since we’ve had a proper sit down and discussed in detail how we’re managing our designated duties; when Marty finally informed us,

“Listen up kids, Job Integration is a colossal fuck-up; one of you needs to man the fuck up and decide which business to keep”

It was heart-wrenching at first to come to realise me and Robin have kinda just been fucking around too much and not paying enough attention to what Marty has to go through on a daily basis; as we unload a plethora of information for him to piece together — as he’s responsible for both Mine and Robin’s work.

It’s fair that he decided to take the direct punch in the face, no bullshit approach.

It’s a wake-up call we both needed, time to decide — what needs to be done.

We started off with free-fall aims, we never thought it’d end up growing faster than we would; and subconsciously always hoped Marty would figure it out because he had the most experience.

Never once stopping to think; while we’re lifting weights, Marty has to rack up the weights back in order — and it’s been wearing him down.

Mostly because Me and Robin largely operate our own divisions of the Business and hardly ever know what either of us are doing — we kinda just expect Marty to figure that part out.

Right under nose we’re now realising that we have two separate HR departments responsible for doing the exact same thing, Two different Research Divisions that could just be working together under one roof, Projects that are largely working in the same direction but rely on one another too much without ever coming to a conclusion.

So was this it?

Is this a divorce? If so where’s the prenup.

I guess, we never really stopped to think what would happen when we jumped on board, filled with endorphins into our ventures and merged them into one giant pile of corporate jargon.

We’d started to inhibit the qualities we despised.

Marty wasn’t wrong, He was being the better human that let’s us know — figure it the fuck the out.

Figuring it the fuck out we did — it wasn’t easy and it tore our hearts out as we all sat together speechless.

I was chain-smoking cigarettes whilst Robin kept fidgeting with my lighter, both staring into oblivion; wondering what the fuck do to.

Do we divorce or go to Marriage counselling?

It’s a fuck-up but can we clean it up?

Finally Marty spoke, letting us know; this isn’t the end and the music certainly has not stopped.

It’s a staged intervention we both needed and deserved.

It was time to face the music and stop pretending to dance around it.

We had to figure it out — now.

If we didn’t, we never would.

I looked to Robin and said, “I don’t want to divide things up. So if you call it, I won’t hold it against you.”

Robin smiled and acknowledged, “It’ll be hard-work, but let’s bring it under one roof.”

After countless hours of distress calls and sleepless nights; we managed to accomplish just that — bringing all the different departments under one roof.

Dividing up clear roles for each department and having to reduce over-employed staff by restructuring to minimise the damage.

It was sad, to see some people have to go because me and Robin hadn’t quite realised it would grow out of control.

We blamed one another for a long period of time for not focusing on what was most important — maintaining unity.

We got caught up in the Start-up routine, we never realised we had moved past the Start-up stage.

This was when Marty intervened to let us know, “Tough decisions have to be made in Business. It’s neither one of your faults for trying to do separate projects whilst hoping to merge it under one roof…the thing is when we decided to let HR run wild on its own — they started employing these professional Business Integration hacks; who truly believed they could revolutionise synergy and the crap that we were all fed-up with back in the day. It just doesn’t cut it anymore and we needed to make sure we don’t fuck that up again. So get rid of HR and spend time rebuilding it with people you can rely on.”

The take away I realised was this,

“The business should be able to function if either one of us were to drop dead the next minute or be abducted by aliens. Our presence should not be a direct result of the success and perseverance of the Business Model. The Principles the drive it should.”

So we revamped HR entirely — fired the Job Integration Specialists.

Decided to take the task into our own hands.

I failed to learn the piano, so I decided I’d play the keyboard instead. //All aboard the Crazytrain.

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