I’d like to think I’m a pretty straight-forward fella, who is pretty comfortable with his sexuality; which is pretty much non-existent, since I hardly ever pursue sex — I live like a monk.
My choice to be Celibate is a decision that shouldn’t bother others; yet it does.
The term “You ought to get married”, brings more joy to others than it does to me.
Doesn’t mean I’m going to deny myself the simple pleasures in life,
Such as admiring the mesmerising beauty of good-looking and talented men.
In Australia, I was told the women are beautiful — which is absolutely true, the women are breathtakingly beautiful; and they love sports.
That is unless you come across a hot piece of buffed up juicy fella, all sweaty and wet, flicking their pecks as they jump one another at the beach whilst doing back flips on a surfboard.
Tell me, that is not amazing; and I’ll call it b.s.
There ain’t nothing wrong with admiring another fella.
Like Idris Elba, the sexiest man alive — no shit.
For obvious reasons, this individual doesn’t agree.
Congrats, Idris Elba: but next year, let's have a less macho sexiest man alive | Caspar Salmon
Why is the winner of People magazine's annual award always so square-jawed, paternal - and straight, asks film…
I understand wanting to see a less macho man on the cover of sexiest man alive, but come on don’t spoil the fun for the rest of us; no homo.
I think Idris Elba is an eloquent, charming, and marvellously talented individual; who not only deserves to be called the “Sexiest Man Alive”, he deserves to be “The sexiest human being ever to walk this earth”.
And seriously who the fuck cares that he’s a marvel of talent and charisma, from acting to dancing to boxing to djing — Idris Elba has accomplished it all.
But let’s just ignore all that because let’s face it — he’s just plain sexy.
…as he challenges you to a dance-off.
Since we’re on the subject of masculinity, who cares about talent when you’re one sexy piece of…umm yummy.
Here are a few other honourable mentions of men I shamelessly ooze over, completely disregarding their talent over their enthralling beauty.
Joaquin Phoenix, how can one not love Joaquin — the often shy and media hesitant, method-acting, Oscar-snubbed, unstoppable talent who just keeps on rising; no homo.
Even in the role of Freddie Quell (The Master — Paul Thomas Anderson), a hunched back, skeleton like Joaquin is one hot-mess.
A talented one at that,
Just look at those eyes, Gawd…yummy.
Speaking of eyes, ever heard of Brian Ortega?
The up and coming, rising star of the UFC — with the characteristics of a gentleman and the dangerously encapsulating eyes of serial killer composed with instincts of an absolute savage in the Octagon.
But just look at those soulful eyes, Gawd…yummy.
Whilst we’re on the subject of gentleman, let us not forget every man’s guilty pleasure; Jake Gyllenhaal.
Not only is he the most diverse, humble, a character chameleon; he’s one serious package of beauty and talent — all packed into one lovely, cuddly package; no homo.
He’s basically got more hair on his head than I do on my entire body combined, am I jealous — no.
Am I…just…gawd…yummy, oh what a…*Gasps for breath*
Don’t let those beautiful pecks and biceps fool you though, Jake Gyllenhaal is one brutal animal when it comes to performing in front of the camera.
Speaking of dancing, here’s one fella who couldn’t get enough credit for playing a raging lunatic to an absolute hero (Lookup: Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri); Sam Rockwell.
I mean, the dude can not only act — he could eliminate the entire cast of Dancing with the Stars; need I say more?
Mop the floor with me Rockwell; no homo.
Speaking of music, know this sexy piece of…umm, delicious.
He’s got the voice of an angel and performs currently as the Lead Singer of The Maccabees; but who the fuck cares, when you’ve got a face that perfect!
Speaking of perfection, let us not forget the beauty endowed upon the world from the vocal stylings and heavenly stage antics of Cedric Bixler Zavala, this hot-mess, occasional raging lunatic is not afraid to throw down a blast of insanity as he “literally” swallows a microphone.
But gawd who cares about all that when you’ve the looks of a delicious, blood thirsty vampire that would make Edward Cullen shrivel into non-existence.
But seriously, who gives a flying fuck that Cedric Bixler Zavala has a vocal tenor range from D2 to C7. Don’t let his vocal chords fool you from his dashingly good looks and hair that could basically solve the world’s hair-loss wig-crisis.
The list wouldn’t be complete without mentioning the Swim-Good champ and the voice behind the legendary debut studio album, Channel Orange; Frank Ocean.
The dude pretty much got The Eagles so jealous of his rendition of “Hotel California” with his talent that they sued the poor bastard for his version of the song “American Wedding”.
But that’s not why we’re talking about him, who cares about his angelic voice and production talent; when you’re as good-looking and openly gay as Frank Ocean, you give him a pass for life.
Now I could just go on and on about how beautifully ripped Tom Hardy is with those gawn…yummy traps, and how his love of dogs and puppies warms my heart.
Or how Denzel Washington can make feel like his man, any time he takes control of the vision which encapsulations, piercing into my soul through the screen.
Or how I get all hot and bothered over Matthew McConaughey running around with his shirt off, whilst motivating individuals to stay humble in their pursuit.
Or how Norm Macdonald is the funniest comedian of all time, but he’s an old chunk of coal and ain’t sexy all the time.
Or how Tom Hanks can make the manliest of men cry.
We’ll just continue to admire the aesthetic beauty of these wonderful men, because seriously who the fuck cares that they’re talented too and there’s a soul inside?