Serena Williams — The greatest performance artist of all time.

“yellow and white tennis racket” by yaron richman on Unsplash

Williams In her chilling performance at the US Open Final against upcoming Beauty Pageant and Occasional Ping-Pong enthusiast, Naomi Osaka. Serena Williams finally breaks her silence on her very public meltdown”.

Citing the 2017 Tennis Sports Drama Biopic, Borg Vs. McEnroe, as inspiration; Serena Williams went on to explain the reason behind what many perceived to be a “Meltdown” was actually in-fact her staying in character for her upcoming secret Biopic “Williams — The Queen B. of Meltdowns” directly by Acclaimed Academy Award Winning Director Martin Scorsese co-starring Jodie Foster, Joe Pesci and Robert De Niro.

Scorsese went onto explain, “It’s not rare for an Acclaimed Athlete to make a transition to the Film Industry once they’ve reached the peak of their career, we tried the same thing with O.J. Simpson back in 1994 attempting to recreate the drama and brutality of Raging Bull in a Film we planned about a deeply closeted homosexual having trouble coming to terms with his place in the culture of Football who turns his sexual frustration into a murdering rampage; much to our disappointment and sheer disregard for Mr. Simpson’s health, I think I pushed him too far to take the Method Acting approach towards portraying a Homicidal Maniac. Bob (Robert De Niro) did the same thing when we did Taxi Driver, He drove a Cab all night long to develop his character; except I mean Bob’s a professional so I knew he could handle it.
We didn’t think it would hurt Serena the way it did, as is evident that she’s obviously very passionate about her portrayal in the upcoming Biopic, she may have stepped too far into the character when she decided she would out-do Shia LaBeouf’s performance in his Tennis Biopic as John McEnroe. I think the lesson to be learned here is never go full Shia, actually never go Shia at all. Maybe actually never go any where, just stick to being an Athlete or maybe make a career off doing Nike Commercials like the Young Kaepernick is doing. Let the professionals handle it (No pun intended)”

Serena Williams’ equally feminine Husband, Tech Titan and Founder of RedditAlexis Ohanian A.K.A. Lord of Basement Dwelling Trolls Society (LBDTS) has said he’s in the “midst of launching a full-on Trollacoaster against the douchebag Carlos Ramos”. Vowing to destroy Ramos’ “Worthless” career as an esteemed, calm as a Buddhist Monk, Tennis Umpire.

Carlos Ramos, who initially received “criticism” and “backlash” for his clearly “dismissive”, “sexist”, and “racist” reaction to Williams’ performance as she was being coached by her Acting Performance Guide Patrick Mouratoglou, claims he was never informed of the Filming Process and failed to receive the Script causing the “confusion” towards him being labelled as a “coward” and a “liar”.

Much to the disappointment of Lord Ohanian, Ramos maintains he will “not be apologising”.

We would like to address the problem of Athletes invading Hollywood by sharing a Public Service Message from Sir. Gary Oldman.

I failed to learn the piano, so I decided I’d play the keyboard instead. //All aboard the Crazytrain.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store