Quitting Pornography — My Personal Experience.
You might have seen Joseph Gordon Levitt’s film “Don Jon”, and wondered at some point; maybe jerking off was having more control over your life than you initially thought? — Maybe it was.
Let me just get this off my chest before we dive any further into this article, It’s not a therapy and it’s not me preaching to a crowd to join my fantasy cult; all it is is merely a reflection of my experience after quitting pornography and pursuing a life of celibacy.
It started off as a simple decision that I viewed as a personal challenge, nothing to be bragged about and expecting nothing from it, the purpose was to simply test myself and reflect on the experience of quitting pornography.
What became as an experiment is now my ethos for how I view sex and more importantly women.
I decided I’d try to minimise and instead utilise my sexual energy towards other aspects of my life that could lead to improvement; I started working out, I began waking up early consistently, Utilising my time on positive things — Like eating better, paying more attention to my hygiene, and the most crucial one not wanting to shove my penis in anything that marginally aroused me.
It began after I started reading experiences of women through the #MeToo movement, I began to realise something about myself — something I did not ever reflect upon; how I personally view women.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d held a proper conversation with a stranger of the opposite sex without wondering at some point “…hmm I wonder if she wants me.”
Since that thought never crosses my mind when I have conversations with my male counterparts, why the fuck should it always be a lingering one when I approach women for a conversation.
Quitting porn, also cleared my vision of how I started to perceive women.
I began to realise just how utterly troublesome it must be to sit alone at a bar without having some drunk jerk some up to you and try a cheesy pick-up line, I won’t even dignify that my quoting any of the lame tricks that men pull to sleep with women.
The point was also to eliminate meaningless sex. It was time to grow up.
I wasn’t a 15 year old anymore getting excited over cleavage.
Instead, I discovered when I stopped viewing women as sexual objects they instead responded subconsciously to not perceiving me as a total creep.
I realised I now had this sense of confidence about myself, a strong will-power, that I could go out on a night out and do it without the sheer intent of getting lucky.
The changes aren’t a spiritual awakening, they’re subtle yet wonderful.
Since quitting pornography, I now approach life and people with a sense of humility, a sense of gratitude, a sense of appreciation for human encounters without the constant need for being rewarded through sex.
One of the best conversations I recently had with a wonderful woman, who now has become one of my best-friends, was after a workout at the gym and my comment was, “Ma’am, I hope you don’t misinterpret this compliment as an attempt to try and get you to sleep with me. But I’m impressed with your sparring techniques.”
What came of that conversation was a truly rewarding lesson on how to spar better. She helped me developed my posture and shoulder placement, and it led to a wonderful relationship — not beginning or ending on a note of “I wonder when she’ll finally open up her legs for me.”
Instead, what I discovered was women have a deep appreciation for men that are straightforward. They KNOW, men, They KNOW when you’re trying that trick you learnt off some douchy You-tuber on how to pick up women, They RESPECT when you do not view them as a sexual object, and they APPRECIATE a honest a upfront human being.
So next time you go out, maybe just treat them better without the intention of getting laid? And you might just learn that some of the most wonderful conversations you’ll ever have will come from those experiences.
If you are to do one act of kindness today, I implore you to go ahead and read Ms. Chloé’s writing and personal experiences. She’s an extremely talented and honest writer; and I personally think we could all learn a lot about humility and kindness from her work. So go ahead and give her a like fellas.