The door bell rings, pizza’s here!
Yummy, I’ve been waiting for that pizza for Twenty-Eight minutes — only two more minutes and my pizza would’ve been free.
Oh what a shame.
Open the door, and oh what a wonderful lady presents herself; all soaked up — apologising for being late, it’s rainy!
“Sorry for the delay, how can I make it up to you?”
“Umm…I’ve got a few ideas”
“…Ohh what ideas?”
“…I’ll eat my pizza and not tip you!”
What, what? That’s not how this is supposed to go.
No No, we’re supposed to forget about the pizza — and we should be pounding like animals on the kitchen table top.
With pepperoni flying around us.
Oh what a delight, that would be.
You go to the gym, oh man I’m all sweaty and disgusting — maybe I should go take a shower, oh lady I didn’t realise you were here.
Hmm…sorry I’ve only got a towel on.
Well that’s alright, I’m sure we could work something out.
How about I go and actually put some clothes on.
Wait, what? That’s now how this is supposed go.
No No, we’re supposed to be rolled up in that towel like a burrito; making sweet sweet sweaty love.
This is the moment, a realisation takes place — oh wait porn has nothing to do with real life intimacy.
It’s just porn.
It’s two actors, holding positions for an hour.
That’s not realistic.
Unless you’re Hank Moody, writers don’t get laid every where they go.
See how our judgement has deceived us?
We’ve been let down, we thought pornography was basically how we learn about how to be a woman pleaser.
Except well…it’s really not, is it?
Now, I don’t really get behind movements — every time I talk about quitting pornography, people tell me “Oh so you’re on NoFap”?
No, I’m on “RealityFap” mate.
Pornography is about as realistic as reality television.
Intimacy ain’t about humping the pizza girl or creeping on your friend’s single mom.
I mean, maybe it happens every now and then.
But that’s about the same chances as being hit my lightning.
Real experiences, don’t come from jerking off to porn.
Or banging for hours.
I’m no expert on sex, but I do know that unless you’re extremely flexible — there’s no way we’re holding positions like a contortionist.
I keep an open mind, and since I pursue celibacy — I’m not constantly in search of the next target.
I’m just a regular type dude, trying to live a regular type life.
I do enjoy talking to people, and getting rid of porn cleared my brain.
Now I don’t even crave the constant sexual gratification.
Don’t let this discourage you from trying, the point I’m trying to make is unless we break out of our shell and just be honest; there ain’t no way we’re going to form meaningful relationships.
I’m just sharing my experience, maybe hoping some one else might gain some insight into it; otherwise thanks for reading.
Dating Apps, Pick Up Artists, DM Professionals, and all those other media hacks have kinda skewed our perception of Relationships and what we seek from Women.
The “How to be completely Irresistible” guy is well…kinda just a douche. (No Offence)
Not that I’m against or judging someone if that’s what they want.
If you want a Swipe Right, Fuck, and Move on type deal — go for it.
I don’t think there’s going to be any meaning in it.
I think of it as an addiction, because an addiction is something that is required to fill a sense of emptiness with meaningless pleasure.
That’s what pornography provides, and then eventually that’s what we get programmed to pursue.
If a Serial Killer tells you Pornography is bad, umm…maybe there’s something to it? — Enter Ted Bundy.
You’re more than happy to disagree with me on that.
I’ve been researching on the science of pornography and how it affects our brain and perception.
It forms the idea that Porn-stars are well, what women want.
Now, I’m no expert on women; but I’ve spoken to enough to know that it’s really not always the case.
Every individual is different, but one thing I’ve found is — nobody wants a pounding on a kitchen top for an hour.
Women well…prefer intimacy.
After a certain age, that becomes a priority.
How Stable is this guy? Become a more important question than “I wonder if he can pound me in the kitchen”…
Hence, the sinking of relationships because we fall victim to what we’ve come to expect — the idea of Love, Soulmate, Morning Sex…that’s all great.
But who’s doing the dishes and laundry today?
Because after the honeymoon period, that’s what we’ll be arguing about.
It’s not going to be a daily dose of a good ol’ pounding.
It’s going to be a daily dose of “Take out the garbage, and it’s your turn to do the dishes”.
This is where most men will realise, “Wait this isn’t what I expected…”.
Well because our expectations were based off fiction, dummy.
Real-Life Relationships that last are based on a balance, taking responsibility, and accepting your partner, not just for the size of their tits, but having the patience to stick with one another through thick and thin.
I look at my lovely parents of what a relationship should be.
They have Five of us lunatics, I’m in the middle.
Dad worked, Mum worked — and both of them did the dishes, laundry, and well house maintenance.
When Mum was sick, Dad cooked.
When Dad was tired from work, Mum did the dishes.
Dad made up for it by doing the laundry.
And then well…we kinda just were able to afford maids so that took care of itself later on. — BUT THAT ISN’T THE POINT!
Maids came after a ton of hard-work, and that’s what our parents focused on.
It was what we were taught.
Respect, Hard Work, and Remaining Humble.
…And not being a total creep.
I’ve never had a problem introducing my girlfriends to my parents, it’s usually the first thing I do if I’m serious about some one.
I haven’t dated in a while, because I’m busy sorting my life out.
It wouldn’t be fair to bring someone into my life and then hold them accountable because I haven’t got my shit together.
But if I am entering into a relationship, I need to get my shit together and know I’ll have to take responsibility.
There’ll be arguments, my parents argue all the time.
Except some times there arguments just seem to make no sense, like trying to control the thermostat.
I couldn’t care less about the thermostat.
But it seems to be a never-ending battle between my parents.
“JUST WEAR A FREAKIN’ JUMPER!”, I’ll yell.
Only to be told to stay out the argument.
Don’t pick sides when it comes to the thermostat.
Seriously, just don’t.
It leads to no good.
But also know, that pizza girl is just doing her job mate.
She isn’t running around trying to bang every dude because she made a late delivery.
And it’s not the most comfortable for her to get hit on by every sleazy dude she delivers pizzas to, because the guy spends too much time on PornHub.
Same goes for that attractive barista that gives you a smile as she serves you your heart shaped foamy cappuccino.
It’s her job, mate. She doesn’t HAVE to be nice to you.
She chooses to.
Show some respect, and leave a tip.
Fuckin’ hell…is this a rant?
I guess it is.
I needed to have this one.
Good luck finding true love, chaps.
Thank you for reading!
You’re made a wonderful accomplishment by reaching the end of this article.