Parents accused of misdiagnosing their children to procure ADHD Medication.
An Investigation conducted by the Psychiatric Institute of Drugging your Children (PIDC), found that 95% of the Parents; mostly men, have been using their children to get approved prescriptions for ADHD Drugs.
65% of the Parents claim that they genuinely need it to put up with their overhyped children, whilst the remainder maintain their innocence by claiming it’s a new “parenting technique”.
According to the defence presented by the Parents, who appeared in court today totally off their face, the drugs were genuinely intended for the ‘children’ and they truly maintain that they believe their child was suffering from ADHD until they discovered the medication worked much better when they took it themselves.
One Parent, who refused to stay anonymous for this report, spoke with sheer passion in-front of Hon. Judge Luda Cuda; as tears of joy and sadness (both at the same time) rolled down his eyes. It should be noted, we haven’t been able to ascertain which of the eyes was representing joy and which sadness.
“Hey look Judge! This kid here is always jumping and running around. Now back in my day, this sorta thing would get me whipped until my butt cheeks were sore — how do you expect us to put up with these lunatics? I think Adderall should be legalised for parents dealing with jumpy children. Look at him, he looks like a chimpanzee ready to bounce off the walls…or is it just me? Anyways, I think this drug is the real-deal and I would never give such a dangerous drug to my child; instead I consider it to be a great parenting tool. Not only is my Boss impressed with my upbeat attitude and improved focus; my ex-wife is totally jealous of how I’ve been scoring Speed using young Charles here. We might even get back together. I think Adderall is the key not only to great parenting but in-fact leads to a much more stable marriage. Now if you’ll allow me; I’d like to prove to you how profound the results are…”
At which point the Hon. Judge popped a few Xannies and decided he needed to relax to listen to the ramblings of “this tweaked out looney gooney.”
The case still remains under proceeding whilst Investigators are waiting for the Parents, who stand accused of Prescription Fraud, to come-down from the Adderall high as they arrange for Puppy Dogs to calm down the rapid mood swings displayed in the court-room.
Representative for the “Defendants” The O.J. Mad-Dog Esteemed lawyer Johnnie Cochran appeared in court dressed as a very convincing White-Male complete with a Yankees Jersey and Crocs, maintaining that his choice of clothing has nothing to do with swaying the jury as he sipped away on his Skinny Soy-Latte proclaiming, “I think it’s clear — if the drugs don’t fit, you must acquit”.