Now is not the time for crying.

Real “Men” don’t cry.

Robin Cru’el

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“photo of man crying with colored tears” by Christian Sterk on Unsplash

I’ve often heard it said that Orson Welles lived his life backwards.

That rings true to me, a young child — being told “Men don’t cry.”

We’re forced to be braver than we actually are, and whilst some seem to get along with their lives just fine.

A few don’t — and depending on the path they may choose; they either become abusers or the abused, maybe even both.

I can’t remember the last time I cried, and it haunts me that I didn’t cry at my grandmother’s funeral — instead I just kinda knew instinctively I had to be brave; even though I’m far from it.

This isn’t a reflection of comparing genders, neither is this some sort of emotional bait to try and justify inappropriate behaviour.

This is just my story and it’s all it is. I’m not assuming other’s dealt with similar feelings of which how I did, but I’m old enough to be able talk about something I think would’ve made a difference.

If only I’d be allowed to cry in public.

At pre-school, I was a reject, I spoke differently and found it easier to bond with my teachers rather than the students.

I wasn’t trying to be a teacher’s pet, I was just looking for someone mature; because that’s who I related to.

“Man up”, is what I’d get told when I complained of bullying.

So eventually I just stopped complaining; bottling up emotions.

Just shortly before I confessed to my parents how I didn’t feel happy, and they took me seriously, I had been forced to stand without a sweater on in the middle of the school grounds for a week, at the peak of winter, by my gym teacher — because it would “Toughen” me up.

I see a lot of conversation going on about how men treat women, how we need to appropriate behaviour — I guess in my experience, had it not been for the women who came to empathise with me instead of laughing out loud; I wouldn’t be the person I am today.

Society expects men to be “tough” — the idea of the alpha male is often projected in the media, as a…

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Robin Cru’el

I failed to learn the piano, so I decided I’d play the keyboard instead. //All aboard the Crazytrain.