Remember ever being asked as a kid what you wanted to be when you grew up?
I wanted to be in the Airforce; I wanted to be a Jet-Fighter Pilot.
I even got my parents to buy me the uniform for my birthday; which always happened to be on halloween.
One time I dressed up as Batman, and one day I dressed in an oversized Brown Suit; I wore my dad’s tie.
When people asked me what I was dressed as; I would say I’m dressed as the Chairman.
Because that’s what my Dad referred to as his Boss.
And I wanted to be something cool.
As I grew older, those questions started to fade away.
I honestly never knew in life where I was going or who I wanted to be.
I was always just wandering along; gathering knowledge where ever I could.
Which to the outsiders was a real problem; they worried I had no sense of direction — they worried I would grow up to be a failure.
Somehow, I made it through all that and got myself into University.
I applied for Computer Science and got rejected; the Academic Advisor recommended I look at this new field of developing computer science, called Architectural Computing, which had a lower barrier to entry and if I did well I could transfer to Computer Science in a later Semester; if I achieved the required GPA.
Honestly, I was just happy to get into a reputable university.
For me that meant I’d made it.
But I still didn’t know what I would be when I graduated.
I had a knack for writing, but realised I didn’t need university for that.
I had a knack for graphic design and photography, realised I didn’t need university for that either.
When I graduated, I realised I didn’t need university for much of anything at all — except for a tremendous experience into the minds of people much different than I was.
It opened a whole new world of opportunities for me.
I famously tell people I made absolutely no friends within my degree.
Almost all of my friends were made at the local university bar and that’s how my social circle extended.
I went on to form great relationships.
People studying Psychology, Computer Science, Industrial Design, Social Sciences, Media and Politics, Film-Making, Writing, Engineering, and the list goes on..
I decided to use my Open-Ed Credits to take extra courses within these degrees — picking out courses that I liked.
These were the courses I scored the best in.
Turned out the freedom to choose my courses gave me an added motivation of interest.
It also broadened my horizons to knowledge and perspectives that I didn’t necessarily receive within my degree.
And so there I was, floating around — not having a clue of what I was going to achieve in life.
Somehow, the degree didn’t fit. I didn’t really want to figure out what I wanted to be.
I just knew I had to be a decent Human-Being — and the rest I’d figure out as I went along.
Being Lost is how I Found what I wanted to be.
I wanted to be free.
As corny as it sounds, I realised a few key things about myself.
I didn’t ever want to be answerable to anybody else.
I didn’t ever want to be in a position where my integrity was questioned.
And I didn’t want a job where I was worthless.
I wanted to wake up in the morning; not moaning about going to work but rather being depressed when I couldn’t.
I wanted to find something that I loved doing.
So when I finally gave up on looking for it, I took a break from all the noise.
Decided to get away and get lost for a little while and watch the world go by.
I moved back with my parents to spend time with them.
Turned out to be the most tremendous time in my life.
And one fine morning, as I was scrolling through the Internet — I realised what I wanted.
I wanted to Research.
It was something that I’d been doing intuitively all my life without realising I was pretty good at it.
And it wasn’t until one fine gentleman told me, “How the hell did you know that?”
To which I responded, “Umm..Idk. I just kinda read about it”.
He was baffled, and said to my father — Your Son’s the most Intelligent person I’ve ever met.
I stared at his face as if he’d just grabbed me and thrown me off a Thirty Storey Building.
It was at that moment I realised what I thought of myself, my own image, and my abilities — all I really needed was reaffirmation and a little self-reflection.
Somebody who was quite good at their job had seen a spark in me, and realised what I failed to see all my life.
That I was meant to be an Analyst.
He took me under his mentor-ship and refined my skills.
Taught me the art of Deduction and Detection.
Searching for Facts.
It was as though I didn’t really even need to work hard to achieve what I was doing; it flew through me like piss from an exploding bladder.
What I thought wasn’t really hard-work, it was just kinda what I was good at; suddenly became a fact that the reason I never felt like it was hard-work was because I genuinely loved doing it.
And so here I was, looking back at my degree and how my profession had very little to do with it.
Looking back at University and realising just how much the experience had shaped me.
And finally looking at this beautiful soul who realised a talent in me which I’d denied myself all my life the privilege of enjoying.
In the moment that we let ourselves go, that we stop searching for an Identity, but rather wander along subconsciously — taking in all the world has to offer us, the beauty of it, and realising just how lucky we are to have made it this far; that’s when the magic happens.
And it’s an amazing feeling, it’s an absolute feeling of euphoria.
The best drug in the world — realising and loving everyday of what you’re good at and who you are.