Veteran Conspiracy Theorist and Undercover NASA Flat Earther, Dr. Bob Lunifitz reveals the “Flat Earth” conspiracy was a massive coverup.
In a news that has sent shockwaves all the way up to the International Space Station, undercover physicist who spent years working for NASA has finally come out against the agency and has sent us an exclusive copy of a Tell-All Edward Snowden style leak which he claims is the mother-load of all conspiracy theories and the most ‘Massive and Gruesome’ coverup in Government history.
He goes on to claim,
“I realised the world would never acknowledge what I always knew to be true. I knew the only way to uncover the truth was to abandon my family and study to become a renowned Physicist, slowly but shirley [sic] I worked up the ladder to become NASA’s most trusted scientist.
Once I had gained the trust of the higher-ups I began to gather evidence of NASA concealing evidence that the Earth is actually, in-fact flat.
It all started back when Howard Hughes developed what would go on to become the backbone of the modern commercial aviation business. We knew there was money to be made but having people believe a flat Earth would simply cut into the profit margins. Hence, a theory was devised to make the world believe that the Earth was in-fact ‘Round’; to ensure that Flight times took longer and passengers never suspected a thing as the Aviation business thrived on unsuspecting passengers by getting them drunk and occasionally drugging them.
In-fact, when Young Neil was getting prepared to up to the Moon; I remember Carl Sagan walked in, it was like seeing Jesus Christ in real life. As Sagan slowly moon-walked through the halls, kissing and hugging everybody, he took the young punk Neil Armstrong into a private interrogation room and slapped the shit out of him; letting him know that if he ever came back from the moon and told anybody that the earth was fucking flat — he’d have a lunar module shoved up his anus. I myself was quite surprised that Carl Sagan himself was willing to do the task himself; considering how hard he’d worked on his ‘Blue Dot’ speech.
Of-course as time passed by and conspiracy theorist developed suspicision, we began drugging them too. As a matter of fact, at our prime, most of NASA’s budget was being spent on hookers, cocaine, and acid. We never drank though because NASA had a strict NO-DRINKING policy at work. So we went ahead and found a Loop Hole…haha!
Anyways, now that I’ve realised I’ve got nothing left to lose as my ex-wife has married a Realtor and my two children are on their way to becoming Tech-Billionaires — I’ve come to realise the truth must be revealed. For far too long have we lied to the public and as such, JUSTICE FOR ALL!
To all the flat-earthers, I say this ‘DO NOT LOSE HOPE, FOR I AM WITH Yo….’”
At this point in our conversation Dr. Bob Lunifitz collapsed to the ground and was pronounced dead at the scene of what seemed to be an “apparent overdose of a mixture of Xanax and Crack Cocaine.”
Doctors are still unsure of what might have caused Dr. Bob to commit such an act; but have definitely ruled it to be a suicide and have warned us to “Mind our own fucking business from now, or else we might also find some Xanax and Crack shoved up our anal cavities”