My choice to be Celibate is a decision that shouldn’t bother others; yet it does.
The term “You ought to get married”, brings more joy to others than it does to me.
Everybody’s vision of Happiness and what they wish to achieve in life differs.
As most of my friends search for their life partners, whilst others are planning their weddings, to my friends who are preparing for their first child; it truly is an exciting time for them.
Upon hearing my views on marriage and why I wish to remain a celibate, which I believe is nobody else’s business but mine, people close to me seem appalled.
The most common reaction I’ve received throughout the years is that “There will come a day when meet The ONE and my life will be nothing but sunshine and rainbows”, and whilst that ideology may appeal to others it fails to resonate with me.
In a society where we to are to be open-minded and accepting towards people’s sexual preferences and orientation, I fail to understand the celibacy is still a subject of taboo.
My therapist tells me “…it might be a childhood trauma that I’m suppressing by not allowing myself to enjoy fully the wonders of being in a relationship and committing through marriage”.
I fail to understand why my elderly relatives assume to much about me, taking it a step further to intervene in my personal life at every opportunity.
It’s gotten to a point that I now avoid meeting relatives entirely because I just don’t have the patience to sit through the same old speech I’ve heard a thousand times before, “Marriage will bring you joy. Children are our future. How can you be so selfish as to deprive us of having young grandchildren to play with”.
They largely fail to see the selfishness in an act so despicable as to emotionally blackmail a young man who has no interest in marriage or children to pursue it merely to satisfy their constructs of what a ‘Normal’ life should be and that I should play my crucial role to provide them with ‘young children to play with’.
I wonder why they fail to see the selfishness in asking me to get married for their own pleasure, whilst I assure them being married to me would bring no individual joy; in fact I feel being asked to marry someone against my will do so will lead to destroying someone else’s wonderful life.
The other challenge that I face is when people ask me how I can be so satisfied with my life without a partner or why I’m not out there chasing women. Failing to understand or comprehend that I see no pleasure in it.
Then there’s always a few who assume I’m deeply-closeted and hence repress my emotions and sexual drive to conceal my secrets.
I’m not exactly able to come to a conclusion why being celibate as a man is a subject of taboo, or why it’s considered “Socially Inappropriate to be a loner after a certain age”; an age people tell me I’m very close to.
One of my friends recently remarked that it may be “due to my deeply hidden misogynistic views”, when in fact most of my dearest and kindest friends throughout life have been women.
What I do not often tell people in defence of Celibacy is that I support more children through charities than they do through raising their own, I might have helped save more people from abuse than be in an abusive relationship, and that I do not feel the need or take pleasure in talking to women with the sheer intent of sleeping with.
I consider it demeaning that society will boil me down to a category they see fit, that wishing to spend the rest of my life in celibacy is a result of some repressed emotion.
It is in fact a choice, a choice that I think my life should have more purpose than being the stereotype of what a ‘Normal’ life is supposed to be — Marriage at Mid 30s, Children shortly after, a nicely decorated home with assortments of caricatures and other inanimate objects, and a lady who I proclaim to spend the rest of my life with.
I wish people would just accept that my celibacy is nobody else’s business but mine and accept it for what it is; a Choice.
A simple choice and nothing more to be psychoanalysed beyond it.