Michelin Star Chef finally reveals the secret ingredient to fine dining.
Michelin Star Chef and Occasional Abraham Lincoln impersonator, Miguel Dimlip reveals a tell-all tale of the inner workings of the luxury dining industry.
“It’s quite the most intricate and subtle of details that make the regular $1.50 French Fry to evolve to a Luxury $50.80 French Fry. The secret is not in the detail, it’s the art of deception. Think of it as clothes, if you had too many you wouldn’t know what to wear; you’d rather be naked.
I for one encourage nudity. I encourage all my customers to take all their clothes off while dining, there is nothing more desirable than naked people as they devour $50.80 French Fries as Mayo and Ketchup drips off belly.
It’s quality over quantity. I don’t serve a hoard of mass-produced french-fries like those lousy rip-offs.
I take pride in my work, devouring that one fine piece extracted from a potato; soaking it in my specially designed vinegar salt and licking it with my natural saliva. That’s the key. Putting a piece of yourself in your food.
Saliva is the key ingredient in all my food; it adds the missing piece of my unique identity to the food.
I always make sure to top it off with a gooey spit if I’m not satisfied with the final product.
With the soups, it’s quite difficult to mask the saliva with the texture. Instead I occasionally drop a pint of my urine, you’ll find urine works better with soups than it does with fries. Fries are too fragile for the urine.”
Shortly thereafter Mr. Miguel Dimlip was arrested for ripping off the secret recipe for Kentucky Fried Chicken.