Let me bang, bro!
Come on bro, let me bang!
Incase you’re not familiar with UFC (google it, you lazy bum), back in the day they had a reality show — where bros hung out and well…things got a bit weird.
It was this particular moment, a moment where history was made and it redefined my perception of reality.
Apparently the moment was too real for a reality show, it sent shockwaves throughout the Reality Television industry — everybody wondered; “But did they ever bang, bro?”
Come on bro, he just want to bang!
There ain’t no reason to make this awkward, bro.
Just let me bang, bro…come on!
You know you let me bang, bro.
Bro, I just took my shirt off — it’s time to bang, bro!
There was so much banging off screen, it was hardly shocking that some of the banging would make it onscreen.
Though poor Julian never got to bang, he did make a bang, bro!
It gave hope, for a generation to come — it was okay to bang, bros!
Let those feelings out and hug it out, bro.
Because without banging, what else do we have; bro?
Let’s share some love, bro!
Let me bang, bro!
Some banging did happen, and it inspired the UFC to get wonderfully new ideas.
“People love this banging thing”, said a dreary eyed Dana White.
UFC Female fighters were born.
Banging became so popular, in fact, it gave inspiration to an entire gender that if these dudes could bang — they could too.
Ronda Rousey did get banged, twice — by Holly Holm and then later by Amanda Nunes.
This banging was in fact so popular, it made the ring girls jealous.
Whilst Ring Girls have always been paid in-excess of what the fighters make, no one was paying attention to their breathtakingly beautiful faces.
This sparked a controversy, Female Fighters were getting too much attention and now even the Ring Girls wanted to bang some bros!
This did not sit well with Dana White; “No Ring Girl will ever be allowed to bang, bro!” — he shouted at a distraught Ariel Helwani.
This was how Ariel responded…
Ariel was torn, but bound to get his revenge — how dare Dana insult Ariel’s intelligence.
It sparked a war, one that needed more than just Ring Girls being allowed to bang too.
It now needed some extra spark…
Joe Rogan was called in, to assist on this matter — heads were scratched.
“How do we bang this, bro?”
A plan was devised,
“Let’s get some corporate funding!”
“Fuck…why didn’t we bang that before, bro?”
Thus, Reebok came to the rescue; with the idea of banging set in motion, and oh they were more than willing to let just bros bang, bro.
Reebok went all out with the banging, banging out hoodies, gloves, shirts, underwear, shorts, bras, bikinis, hoodies…did I say hoodies already?
There was so much banging, there was no stopping it.
Banging after banging…
UFC was a now recognised in all of the states in United States.
Even the ones that aren’t states.
UFC was banging so much, there was no stopping the banging.
Until one day…
DAA DAA DAA!
This fucker decided to ruin it all —
The one thing Reebok couldn’t allow was the banging of was Pregnant Women and DUI’s by the UFC’s star fighter Jon Jones.
Monetising off of this helpless man, who was clearly discriminated against, UFC decided to get involved with the kingpin USADA.
“Let’s get this eye-poking fucker!”
USADA went Rambo on his ass, and pumped it with steroids.
Unbeknownst to Bones, he was being fed “Steroids” under the false label of “Crack Cocaine”.
Whilst, Crack was never a big deal with in the UFC, the one thing UFC could not bang was Steroids.
After all, it was a gentleman’s sport.
Oops…I meant…Uhh…All Gender’s Sport.
Shockwaves were sent again, but Jon Jones’ eye poking days were over.
Daniel Cormier proved the victor.
History was reshaped.
Steroids were popped.
Ring Girls were still paid in excess of the fighters.
But most of all,
Bros were finally allowed to bang, bro!
Thus, a happy Cormier went on to finally etch his name as the greatest Pound for Pound banger on all time.
Who knew…one incident of bros not being allowed to bang, would change sports history forever.