Just shave it off.
To all my fellows losing their hair follicles before their 30s — It’s not the end of the world.
Dear fellow hair thinning victim,
Oh how our genes have betrayed us. I know we all thought we’d look like Jake Gyllenhaal up until our mid 40s. But looks like we’re going to be looking like Billy Corgan and Moby in our mid 20s.
I’m here to tell you, it’s going to be alright. The world hasn’t ended.
By the age of 16, I worried I was going to lose my punk-rock hair and get kicked out the band; fortunately my lack of skill got me kicked out before my hair got in the way.
By the age of 18, I started to worry women won’t pay enough attention to me in university as my hair was definitely more obviously much more thinner. Being the smart cookie that I was, I knew I could cover up those bald spots and get away with it for a while.
By the age of 20, I pulled off the combover and started to experiment with products.
By the age of 21, I accepted that hair-transplant could be a likely future for my aesthetic success.
By the age of 22, I realised hair-transplant is actually kinda scary. So I went ahead and bought a few hats instead.
By the age of 23, I was drowning in work that worrying about my combover being blown over by the wind became a lingering concern.
By the age of 24, I said ‘fuck it’ and shaved it off.
At the age of 25, I’m here to tell you — I focused on what I could control, and what I couldn’t.
I wanted to let nature take care of what it’s meant to do, but I wouldn’t let nature fuck with things I could control.
Instead, I focused on my wellness, I joined a gym, I started boxing, I stopped masturbating, I stopped watching porn, I started reading a lot, I started to Invest in my future, I started to value relationships, I started to value self-deprecating humour, but most of I started to feel comfortable in my skin.
I did it because it made me feel good.
And it wasn’t a man that came to my help, it was oddly enough — a very kind woman; The Fabulous Fran Lebowitz.
A person who I’d never met but somehow assured me “Kid, stop worrying about what other people think. They’ve got better things to worry about than your balding head”.
Oddly enough, after buzzing it all off and hitting the gym — not only did I experience an elevated sense of self-esteem, people seemed a lot nicer.
I had a sense of confidence I’d never experienced before.
I wasn’t trying to hide my baldness, instead I rarely ever thought about it.
I started having some very great conversations.
I started to laugh a little more — with my wonky teeth.
I started to let it slide and control what I could.
I didn’t give in to the life-hack sham of demeaning women and preaching to men with low self-esteem on “How to Attract Women” or “Gold-Digger Busted by guy driving a Lamborghini” scam.
Those guys have nothing better to do except give a false sense of hope that somehow buying a Lamborghini makes you a lot more attractive.
Oddly enough even, at the age of 25, I possibly can afford one — instead the thought never crossed my mind until an old friend of mine sent me a photo of how he’d bought one.
I wished him well, because it genuinely made him happy and he wasn’t doing it to impress anybody. He’s married and has a lovely young daughter.
I on the other hand, need to save up for a house rather than a Lamborghini. (Also I’m a lousy driver)
So what was my takeaway from all that?
DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY!
If you want to get a hair transplant because it will elevate your self-esteem? Do it.
I didn’t because I didn’t want to, I didn’t need it.
If you’re like me and love statistics, here’s a great one.
Shaving your head helps save:
- Money (YES IT DOES! All those hair products, hair reproducing products, shampoo, urgh what else…I’ll remember later)
- Time (YES! Instead of spending 45 mins trying to cover up my balding head, I now spend 3 mins in the shower and I’m ready to go to work. Viola! Also I don’t constantly need to worry how my hair looks because guess what, I DON’T HAVE ANY!)
- Lives (This one might sound odd, how does shaving my head have anything to do with saving lives? Well…guess what kiddo, most of the hair reproduction products aren’t FDA certified and there’s very little proof that they actually work.
So to all my fellow people who might be experiencing the scorn of the receding hairline, try shaving it off; at least ONCE. Because whatever is left, will probably grow back.
You might discover that you were spending too much time on something that probably didn’t require a lot of attention.
And if you get to a point that all the centre is hollowed out, shave off the sides — cause Bald men just look more bad-ass, seriously!
- Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson.
- Michael Stipe
- Jason Statham
- Tom Hardy (Umm..yummy)
- Samuel L. Jackson (Surprise MotherF***er!)
- Patrick Stewart
- Ewan McGregor (Voluntarily-His hair folicles are going with him to his grave)
- Bruce Willis (Yippee Ki-Yay!)
- John Malkovich (GIVE HIM THE MONEY!)
- Stanley Tucci
- Dave Chappelle
- Action Bronson
Urgh…need I go on? They all have charisma, and well…they’re famous.
Whatever you decide to though, please don’t try and grow your hair longer in an attempt to cover your baldness; it doesn’t work — you end up looking like this fella here.
But if you can manage to OWN it without shaving it, you might look like this fella:
But beware, if and when you do decide to shave it off — women for some odd reason will love to caress your bald head. So if you’re anything like me, who’s very uncomfortable with strangers molesting my bald head — you say ‘NO!’
Instead you tell them “My eyes are down here”.
So this one’s from the heart, you lovely balding fellas — OWN IT!
Here’s some Shia LaBeouf motivation for ya’…
Hey and guess what, the wealthiest fella on the planet is Bald.
Look him up.
He owns Amazon.
If that isn’t motivation enough for you, then I’ve truly failed and I am truly sorry.
But do know this, whatever path you choose — make sure it’s the one you’ve chosen, don’t let anybody else define that path for you…and once you choose it, make sure you own up to it!
Here’s a great message from the peeps at SNL.
Much love and peace from fellow ex-hair thinning victim and now fully recovered bald-headed lunatic,
Nabeel A.K.A. ‘Baldy Nibbles’. :)