Might the right time ever strike, I wonder if the moment will ever be right that I find my place and comfort within it in pursuit of what I envision to become.
Life hits hard, and the harder you hit back — you’re bound to fall victim to gravity.
None of us are invincible, though we believe it to be so; many have fallen and in replacement many have emerged. We seem to forget the struggle and notice just how easy it all seems in hindsight. The comfort seeps in and its easy to give in to temptation.
“I should add that at no time does fear disappear. It’s just as bad in the hundredth fight as it was in the first, except by the time he reaches a hundred fights or long before that he’s developed enough discipline where he can learn to live with it, which is the object, to learn to live with it.”
– Cus D’Amato
Often convinced that determination will almost always lead to success, we often ignore fear; we run from it, conceal it, bury it deep within the subconscious. In doing so, one is only perpetuating the problem and not dealing with it.
Life is scary, so is every pursuit in life; make no mistake, there is no light at the end of each tunnel. We learn to own up to own shortcomings, our mistakes, develop character; as such owning up to fear and embracing the pain as it befalls us.
I recall back to being a child, learning how to ride a bicycle and the fear of falling kept me from even attempting to gain momentum; it was only in the moment that I was convinced that I was “safe” — the illusion that I was being held and as such could not fall was I able to learn how to ride on my own, looking back to discover there was no one holding the bicycle and I was riding it on my own; it shook a little and I did fall a few times, but only in doing so was I able to recover.
The safety blanket is an illusion, and I have found in my experience, there is no such thing — nobody can guarantee there will be a definite solution to fall back on, a contingency plan we develop in our minds.
In self-defence training, one of the most crucial lessons is; “Avoid conflict, and don’t try to be a hero”. Of course it does not sound as fashionable, but such is the reality. Situational awareness can be taught and ingrained within our very nature, but no amount of training can prepare us for when the events do unfold and in this state of panic how we’ll react.
The adrenaline rush may either paralyse or fuel our effort — fight or flight instincts may fail; and we may be humbled in our nature.
Human beings depend on resilience and consistency, the keys through which one can develop strong character and persevere. Not running away at the first sign of trouble, but rather having the patience to resolve — be the better person.
There’s no harm in saying “Sorry” and neither is there any shame in trying to make amends.
Mistakes make us human, how we deal with and grow from them make us humane. One must not look to the past as evidence of everything that was wrong, but rather lessons of what we’ve been through and as such have the ability within us to continue.
Self doubt and struggle, comparing our attempts with another do us no good — we must learn to dissipate the noise from the music.
I found myself, today, listening to Mike Posner’s new music video; I only knew him as the guy who once sang a song about taking pills in Ibiza.
Much to my surprise, it was a much different version that emerged before me; in his eyes I saw pain and yet a sense of calm — as though he’d been unshackled from being held hostage to the baggage of emotions.
I didn’t know much about the artist, nor did I know of his father’s passing — yet his message was as resonant and clear, when I did finally pay attention to the song he once wrote.
It was not a song about partying, but one of the struggle one faces with the consequences of life and the decisions we make.
Sounded silly to me, as to how one can ignore what is right before us — laid out in plain sight.
I didn’t know of AVICII’s passing either, as I’m not much aware of that genre of music and frankly do not keep up to date with the news; he was a young man, a gentleman who had accomplished far beyond what anyone could imagine to achieve at that age.
It was an inspiring story with a bitter end.
One that made me appreciate life and the comfort that it has allowed me, a lot more than I do.
It made me think back to the horrors that I faced in the moments of adversity, and it felt like it would all be over. Just a year ago, I was bedridden and whilst my family worried about my health; all I could think of was “I’m 25 years old, and I’m worth absolutely nothing. I haven’t achieved anything…”.
It was also the moment that motivated me, that I had come to terms with death — appreciate it, accept it, and keep moving.
Keep moving far beyond in hopes that if the day should come, I could at least look to myself as having given it my best shot.
I watched a few motivational videos, and didn’t really do much after that. It took me a while to realise, my motivation had to come from within.
I had to create my own coach, my own mentor, to guide to me — self discipline, in order to continue to do what I wanted.
As such, I made myself a promise that I would continue; and if I should find myself bedridden again — I don’t want to be thinking, “…I wish I’d tried”.
For I knew now, what I didn’t realise back them —
It may be gloomy for a while, but the lights will shine again.