First time I turned down a pay-check; my Dad said to me, “You’re the stupidest person I’ve met in my life”.
Fifteenth time I turned down a pay-check; my Dad said to me, “You’re the stupidest person to ever exist in the history of employment”.
And it’s true.
I turn down a lot pay-checks.
Partly, cause I’m just not that good at valuing myself in monetary terms.
But also kinda just cause it pisses people off when I say no to pay-checks.
There’s also a weird curiosity which keeps people clinging onto me; “Why the fuck does he not take pay-checks?”.
Well..it’s kinda cause I freeload enough to justify not taking a pay-check.
My life’s pretty simple. I work on Good-Will.
And by Good-Will I mean I like free hotels and steal towels from them.
I also like stealing other things, like the expression they have when I say no to pay-checks.
But it always seems to work out for me; I’m not really sure why.
Firstly, my living costs are pretty low.
I’m ugly so that helps; I’m single.
I’m lazy so not taking pay-checks doesn’t obligate me to any responsibility.
But also cause I’m pretty much a freeloader.
People assume when I don’t take a pay-check; they’re getting the better part of the deal.
They usually don’t look at the fact that I’ve just run a $3,000+ Tab on their company account.
One of the perks of being a Pay-Check Free Analyst.
The advise that I often give my clients returns them great benefits; and when it does they send me presents — cause you know, I don’t take pay-checks.
Most of the time it’s stuff I don’t really ever need; so I just kinda, you know, sell-it *cough*..
But not taking a pay-check also gets me a great deal of street cred.
People often end up referring me to other really rich people who end up owing me favours.
So basically I have a collection of expensive Business-Cards that I can flash to use as a sort-of credit card.
Mr. or Ms. or Mrs. So and So know me; you can call him/her.
Usually it gets me places.
It’s a pretty wonderful way to live.
It helped me a great-deal when I started to use my own name as a brand.
Kinda like Trump, except I’m a lot uglier and porn stars wouldn’t sleep with me even if I offered them The Trump Tower.
It’s a pretty wonder life, really.
I get all sorts of perks for not taking pay-checks.
Usually a lot more than what those pay-checks would be worth.
First-Class Plane Tickets.
Free Movie Tickets.
Free Expensive Car Rides.
Free Toilet paper.
You name it, and I can get it for free.
I get free samples sent to my house for doing absolutely fuck all.
Cherry on top is — I don’t even have to pay taxes.
But the best part of it is — I get to tell people “Money doesn’t buy Happiness.
Try it if you must, at your discretion.