I tried the “cock-diet” and you won’t believe what happened.

5 — Things you need to know before jumping on a hefty load of cock.

Before jumping on the cock wagon, be prepared; if you’ve never had an out of body experience or tried psychedelics — get ready, because this will feel like an Acid Trip on DMT.
You will be shoving so much cock in your mouth, you’ll literally shit rainbows.
The experience can be traumatic for some; I personally experienced muscle cramps, jaw ache, sore neck, and bowel upsets.
The Pros: You gain Muscle, instantly — It’s pure Protein.
The Cons: Don’t try the Super Hot Peri Peri Sauce, unless you want to torture your toilet.

This was an unexpected byproduct of the super-cock diet, at first you think you’re paranoid; people tend to notice you more, and make direct eye contact as though they’re piercing your soul.
Don’t let this newfound energy hinder your conscience, embrace it and own it. Use this energy chakra to divulge in a conversation about what Vegans are missing out on.
The Pros: You’ll be drowning in sexual attention.
The Cons: Extreme Backaches and Bed Sores.

The Results take a while to kick in, but when they do — you explode into Dwayne Johnson’s lovechild. There will be muscles popping out of places you didn’t even know muscles existed. Women and Men alike will give you glances, wondering if you’re Thanos rejuvenated.
People will come up to you for selfies, and Gym-Bros will ask you about how you got ripped. They’ll be turned off when you mention the cocks.
The Pros: You’ll be able to lift trucks.
The Cons: Bros will constantly ask you for Steroids.

With your newfound love of cocks, Nando’s will definitely want to monetise on the life-changing wonders of all the shredded and tender cock they’ve been serving up for you; grill after grill, with no remorse.
The Pros: You’ll give Protein shakes a run for their money.
The Cons: Nando’s endorsement comes with a risky compromise.

This last one is so unexpected, even I thought maybe I am hallucinating. People will want to engage in your diet, especially your morning routine. They’ll constantly ask you about what it takes to consume so much cock, they might even touch you in places you’d rather not be touched. This much cock talk will disturb the surroundings, especially conservatives who are not used to this much Protein and would rather eat Red Meat; if you what I mean.
The Pros: Your life instantly looks 10x more interesting.
The Cons: Cow Farmers will hate you.

And that’s all folks, just know that too much cock can be dangerous and should always be balanced with an equal load of liquids — so make sure you stay hydrated and if your head feels a little dizzy, be sure to contact your General Practitioner and discuss how to incorporate the Cock-Diet.

I failed to learn the piano, so I decided I’d play the keyboard instead. //All aboard the Crazytrain.

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