Hugh Jackman petitions to change his name to Hugh Fatman to eradicate body-image stigma.
“I’m getting real tired of people always wanting me to look jacked.”, Says Logan.
Whilst promoting his upcoming Political Drama “The Front Runner”, Hugh Jackman looked like he’d finally had “enough of this shit”, as he tore his crisp white shirt; ripping it to shred and continuing the rest of the Press-Tour without his shirt, only to reveal to a visibly disappointed crowd that Hugh Jackman is no-longer as “jacked up as he used to be”.
“You know how many fans come up to to me on a daily basis in an attempt to molest my abs or pecks? The fuck is wrong with you people. Can’t we appreciate that in this growing society, we shouldn’t be viewing others based on just their bodies. Behind these rock hard peckers is a beating heart people.”
One fan, who said he’ll be boycotting Hugh Jackman’s movies from now on, “I think ever since Logan, Jackman has been hitting the doughnuts pretty hard. I think I just liked him much better as an actor when he was running around shirt-less as Wolverine…”, mumbling as he gobbled down a Beefy Burrito.
Gossipy tabloid journalists have gone on to criticise Mr. Jackman’s antics as too “Political”, going on to proclaim that this is just a “shoddy attempt at trying to monetise his abs which will soon turn into a lump of belly flap if he keeps up this method acting crap.”
Mr. Jackman has noted though that he will continue the rest of his press-tour shirtless and will not be working-out from now on. Whilst he still keeps his adamantium blades close-by incase he’s called on for help by Professor X, suffice it to say Mr. Jackedman is no longer a Jackedman, he is in fact a Fatman wanting the world to deal with the facts, man!
Whilst, other actors have called this a publicity stunt, looks like Joaquin Phoenix will be joining Mr. Jackman on his cause to eradicate body-image stereotypes as he prepared for his upcoming role as the “Joker”.
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson says he’ll continue to workout and stay jacked-up till every muscle in his explodes as he went on to explain, “I think being ripped has nothing to do with body-image. I’m a shinning example of how my body has basically nothing at all do with my success as the new Hollywood Blockbuster King.”
Whilst Mr. Johnson clearly seems to be missing the point of the movement, as fellow actors have called his statement “Unsavoury”.
Here a just a few examples of why the movement matters,
We are joined by our Local Creep Matt Lauer to help explain the situation,