It’s human nature to look back at atrocities one might have gone through, regardless of faith or beliefs — one will often blame their circumstances for unsavoury situations.
Though, it’s true in every shape and form that our past does shape us — it cannot define our future.
Through my experience of dealing with depression, I always blamed circumstances — unsavoury reminders of feelings I held in my heart as excuses for being destructive towards others and myself.
Only through fully coming to terms with myself, and accepting the past for what it is — events that happened and I cannot change.
Rather look at them as tools that could help me become a better and stronger person.
Forgiveness, cannot come without acceptance — I must first recognise and as disturbing as it may be; choose that those events are part of my life.
Moving forward, I must look at those events as reminders of what I must not be — a hateful person.
Scientifically speaking, anger is a destructive force — it’s a human condition, an emotion that must be expressed; but should not be a constant force of inner and outer destruction.
As an example, for an early part of my life I held hatred in myself for my family for failing to recognise my mental illness.
As I’ve grown older, I don’t hold hatred for it — how can I, they’re family.
They did what was best, and it wasn’t easy nor was it comfortable for them to comprehend.
Parents have a self-defence mechanism to not accept there’s anything wrong with their child, it’s out of love — and it’s contradictory, but it’s a human condition.
I had to ease my parents into accepting that it was just a mental-illness, and as such we dealt with it together; helping me shape into a more positive human being rather than a destructive force.
Anger clouds judgement, imagine someone driving behind you who will not stop honking; you stop the car, flip them the finger.
Only to realise the person was honking because your car’s trunk was accidentally left open.
Maybe the individual was honking, to try and help.
Yet, I’ve perceived it as offensive out of my lack of patience and anger.
Rather than asking, why the individual was honking to begin with.
It’s an exaggerated example, I’m sure — most people just honk because they’re impatient.
Doesn’t mean I have to stomp down to their level, instead I just need a few seconds to compose myself and keep moving.
Life is not as petty as to be disturbed by an impatient honker.
It’s pleasant, once I let the anger out.
Finding an outlet for anger, redirecting it to a positive force.
It’ll be dismissive and hypocritical of me to say I do not get angry, I do.
It’s human nature and a crucial emotion.
Does not mean it always has to be destructive.
I learnt how to redirect my anger, simply through two things —
After devoting my energy to both, I feel relieved — my brain is now content, relaxed; I do not have the time nor the energy to express anger, since I’ve left no room for it.
Now, I can focus — on my work.
Sit down, compose myself — play a nice piece of music and focus on my love for writing.
Instead of being hateful and angry about all the things that do not seem to work.
I’m sure I’ll have moments when I’ll say the wrong thing, and later regret it.
I’ve learnt to own up to it and apologise as soon as I do realise — putting my ego aside.
Even if the other individual is unforgiving, I’m willing to keep an open mind.
I had an argument with a dear friend and colleague of mine, we had a disagreement — and I insulted the approach my colleague had taken.
It wasn’t kind, and I knew I was in the right.
What I failed to recognise was, I’m speaking about a situation after the fact — from an armchair.
Whilst my colleague had to make a decision on the spot.
It’s a rather difficult task, I should’ve recognised that.
Hence, I instantly went face to face — no text messages, no phone calls.
Directly, and apologised.
Simply expressing that whilst I may have been right, I failed to see my colleague’s perspective — commending the effort of making the decision on the spot.
My colleague appreciated this, even going on to accept that had we waited — our actions could’ve been rather positive.
But it happened, it’s done — can’t go back in time and change it.
So we move on, look at how we can resolve it — rather than holding hatred in our hearts.
It puts me at ease, it puts others around me at ease, it gives me a better perspective of the “why” behind every action and reaction.
Most of all, it helps me stay healthy and calm.
To end this article was an example,
Muhammad Ali, undoubtedly the most significant figure of his time — was often seen as arrogant; but he was also the first to not his ego get in the way, and remaining humble.
In an interview with William F. Buckley Jr, Muhammad Ali very humbly accepted that he was not the most educated of men as he had no formal education — putting his ego aside and kindly asking,
“I’d like to say I’m not trying to be funny, I hope that people don’t laugh. But I barely got out of high-school, and the word ‘Propagated by Malcolm X’ what did you mean when you said that?”
It is in this moment, that he’s giving respect to an individual he’s debating an issue he cares deeply about; but is humble enough to accept and ask “I hope that people don’t laugh…what did you mean by that”.
It’s showing that an individual such as Muhammad Ali, considered to have an aura of arrogance and ego around him — still willing to accept that he cannot know everything, it is also in this moment that I felt he earned a great deal of respect ; with eloquence — by displaying that he’s not pretending to be smarter than he is nor does he wish to sound as such, he’s simply trying to debate an issue and will accept his own shortcomings before others point them out.
— Instead of letting his ego cloud his judgement, and go on pretending as though he understood everything; risking to be ridiculed later on.
I do believe that an individual willing to accept they do not understand everything is wiser than an individual going on pretending they do.
On this note, I thank you very much for reading.
Hope that this piece was of some help to you.