Feeling depressed? Netflix has the answer.
Hey, looks like you’re feeling kinda depressed and moody; we got it all figured out!
Let’s do some Netflix and Chill, all by yourself — cuddled up in bed.
Let us give you a purpose, here you go — swallow it.
We’ve got a great selection of Murder documentaries for you to obsess over, and when you’re done with that, we’ll shove another selection of films down your throat about Serial Killers, still not fulfilled? Don’t worry, we got a few archived Docu-Dramas about more murderous sadistic crap to glue you to the screen for next few weeks.
You’ll be so obsessed, you’ll be lurking around every corner, checking every step of your staircase, doubting every piece of DNA you leave behind, looking for the next Avery, the next Amanda Knox, we’ll even show you a few gory images that leave you confused — wondering, you’re really part of this world we’ve created for you.
One of horror and your obsession with death and murder; we can prey on that, cultivate it, churn it up into a savoury piece of entertainment.
You’ll be discussing it with your friends, trending it on your social media, following the crowd, cheering the chants, debating all the details, the owl theories, the crab cakes, the toilet papers, and most of all — we’ll make you feel like you’re a fucking detective.
Don’t worry though, we’ll occasionally throw a few gummy bears at you; like those light hearted ones — but then hey guess what?
Have you seen Primal Fear?
What about this great Heist movie we got, hey look we got a television series about people robbing a place that prints money, had enough yet?
We’ll make sure our actors not use the term “Binge-Worthy”, but we’ll happily collect your favourite desires under a category of the same title.
Because we know you’re obsessed with gore and thrillers; we know sex sells and murder spreads like wildfire.
You’ll feel so attached to these mind-numbing artistic creations, you’ll forget there’s a life outdoors; outside of this shell.
You’ll worry more about the consequences of the Avery family and their fate, you’ll cry and rejoice at the story of the Staircase; despite it all, you’ll forget the warm embrace of the loved ones around you.
Because in the end, “hey, looks like we got another one you might enjoy”; this one even has a cool intro for you to skip over.
The song will play on an endless repeat as we drive you further into these fantasies; forgetting, slowly disappearing, into this shallow little world which exploits the gullibility.
It’s not just the Kardashians anymore, you’ve got a dozen more virtual families.