If I could go back to my younger self, and give it one piece of advice; it would be to “shut up” — shut up, quiet down, and listen.
Listen, not because your voice isn’t important, but because you know too little.
Wanting to be heard, the voice inside my head, screaming ever so loudly to the point of tribulation; I want to shout at the top of my lungs, for once I want you to listen.
Listen because I feel like I have a need to heard, but not much to say at all.
If only if I’d learnt not to speak, but observe — for what was infront of me, clouded by my insecurities and short-comings to be the loudest of voices amongst a sea of opinions.
The thirst to always be right, and prove everybody wrong; I wish I could go back and wipe that smirk off my face.
Blocking my vision of far and beyond, limiting every other opinion to my hindering knowledge; I mustn’t conform to it, yet I always did so.
Noisy brains and opinionated egos are the demise of fulfilment; ego is the killer of any individuality or room for growth.
How could I have grown into something different or something better if I was never planning on listening?
Sit quietly in a room, with nothing else to do; the mind wanders, and I often wondered why people go insane in solitary confinement.
Yet solitude was my saviour, for it allowed me to reflect — look in the mirror, for once, and realise what it is that I really want.
Purpose — the big question, why on earth am I even alive and what it means to function in a society?
The ideologies I held close and the moral high-ground I was unwilling to let be scattered, upheld to a standard slowly diminishing; it was in my lowest of moment that I was closest to my pure self.
A self; divided, naked, detoxed, incorruptible, but most of all lacking and deprived of any thing of monetary value — anything of substance beyond what was my body, mind, and soul.
Reach within it, find solitude — let it be known, you don’t have to always be right and you don’t always have to voice your opinion; all you have to do is observe and listen, because everybody has something to say and the ultimate reward is acknowledging what is presented and being able to absorb is relevant.
Correcting and evolving, with the times; allowing the self the ability to continue to observe and remain constant in the pursuit of self-admittance to change.
Acceptance of what is right and what is wrong, and valuing that ego can be and is the primary destruction of self if kept unchecked.
Count your cards, learn when to fold — all my life I believed it’s a game of chess we play, when the true realisation is that it is nothing more than a game of poker; counting your cards and leave emotions at the door.
When the right hand comes along, know when to call.
When it doesn’t, accept it with grace; acknowledge it for what it is — don’t bluff too far when playing the fool.
P.S. If someone offers you a joint, make sure it’s not laced with PCP.