As an individual who has worked in the world of academia and listened to stories of countless students as I attempted to guide them by using my own self as an example, I can wholeheartedly assure you; rarely do the most creative of students end up working in the Degree they graduated in.
Life is an ongoing experience, when I look back my depression journal (my book of suicide notes) — I’m only now able to laugh at how differently I felt about myself and how escapism was the only way I felt I could function.
You’re young and talented, and age isn’t a definition of when you can pursue what you love. It’s in moments we least expect that something comes along (a higher power, coincidence, universal magic, whatever you wish you call it) and it finds it’s way into recovering your soul.
I often define my depression like a shattered plate that had been eloquently patched back together to make it visually appealing, and though the cracks and never visible to the outside world; I know they’re there.
For far too long I felt depression was a curse, only through life and experience did I learn that it was a superpower; a blessing in disguise. Depression made me more sensitive to other people’s feelings, a sense of empathy I don’t think I would’ve had.
I too experimented with medication, unfortunately Lexapro didn’t do wonders for me but Paxil did. To each their own. I went through a dozen psychologists, only to find betrayal and the feeling that I was just another $150 patient — worth of only an hour’s worth of conversation.
Creativity and brutal expression is born out of discomfort, and it’s evident in your writing the sheer honesty of your experience.
Adversity and Anxiety are great tools to grow, being too comfortable makes us weak and rather unprepared for when complications present themselves.
As such I hope that you find your way towards what brings you happiness.
Much love and good luck on your journey,