Conor McGregor: “It was just a prank, bro!”
After the brutal punishment Mr. Conor McGregor received at the hands of the Dagestani Eagle and occasional wrestler who portrayed the Bear in “The Revenant” Mr. Khabib Nurmagomedov.
McGregor has finally broken his silence,
“It was just business”, a line he admits he shamelessly stole from the popular Liam Neeson movie “Taken”.
He goes onto explain that this was a long planned attempt at regaining his success in the Liquor business and build a strong-hold, describing himself as the “Steve Jobs of the Fighting Business”.
Apparently it wasn’t all “just business” to Mr. Nurmagomedov; who clearly responded with “It was all personal to me, you chicken!”.
Whilst the UFC is no place for these antics, Mr. Dana White — UFC Chairman and Occasional Strip Club Security Guard; condoned Mr. McGregor’s behaviour as “All is fair in money and advertising”.
“It’s the fight business!”, Mr. Dana reportedly said at the Post-Fight Press Conference.
Analysts report that McGregor did realise his mistake during mid-fight and informed Nurmagomedov “Dude just chill, I’m trying to sell Proper-12; it’s a public service message. This is me acting. This is how people act on Proper-12. Just get with the flow, I’ll even transfer a few million to you after we sell some. How about that?”
Nurmagomedov, who refuses to play by the rules responded — “You can keep the money, McChicken Fried Chicken”, as he continued to deep fry McGregor repeatedly with his hard-hitting punches and ground grappling skills as he slowly marinated McGregor’s face into tendered meat.
Whilst fans are still not convinced Proper-12 was a proper-sell, McGregor seems convinced his tactics have worked.
“I don’t give a fook, mate! It’s Proper-12. Fook the Jameson Brothers”, said a withering McGregor.
Though we’re still unsure of how the advertisement tactics will play out, suffice it to say we won’t be seeing Proper-12 being served anywhere near Dagestan anytime soon.
As Nurmagomedov grows in fame and glory, Nike is set to jump on the opportunity and rebuild their brand-image since the Kaepernick debacle.
Nike blames McDonald’s for the Kaepernick controversy.
“McDonald’s has been causing mass-diarrhoea way before we got involved with Kaepernick”, says Nike spokesperson and…
Nike is set to launch customised Chicken Marinating gear branded with the “Eagle” logo to represent Mr. Nurmagomedov as flew out of the octagon to catch his prey; Dillon “Baby don’t hurt me” Danis.
Whilst the release date of the products has not yet been announced, rest be assured Nike says it will be the next “Jordans”; and will break endorsement record.
Thrusting Nike’s success sky high — much like Mr. Nurmagomedov’s undeniable success inside and out of the Octagon.