Big-Pharma introduces the “Limitless” Drug.
Ever wanted to become Bradley Cooper? Well, now with this brand-new pill; you can!
Big Pharma executives gathered today in a groundbreaking press-conference held at the esteemed Madison Square Garden, with astounding opening performances by Beyoncé and Swedish Metal Band Meshuggah.
“It was like two opposites collided to create the most euphoric orgasmic experience”, one attendee commented.
The new “Limitless” Drug; pending FDA approval, is estimated to capture a total of $2.8 Trillion Dollar motivation hungry market with the drug’s release in early-2019.
The executives opened the grand reveal with a shoutout to the countless mice and monkeys for their dedicated service to helping further the research.
One Key Executive noted, as he held back his tears, “I just have to say I’m truly amazed at the dedication portrayed by Jerry Mouse, Caesar, and the now deceased Koba. I think those poor souls went through so much so that us humans could finally achieve the primal optimal juiced up abs and pump out work like the artists that have performed here today. It should be noted that this drug is not just a scientific marvel, it truly is a step towards human equality, where people all cultural and ethnic backgrounds will be so heavily pumped that there will be no room left for argument on which race is the most superior.”
Whilst, Ex-Drug Kingpin and now reformed Medicinal Marijuana Executive remarked, “I think this is the answer to all of humanity’s problems. Hunger. Climate Change. Wars. Poverty. Everything will be all so pleasant, no one will have to fight for survival. I wish I’d known better back in my meth dealing days that I could’ve just pursued a career in pharmacology to do exactly what I did before, but do it legally and ethically. We plan on launching a campaign which will make Nike’s Kaepernick campaign look like Kanye West’s lousy attempt at trying to make his claim to fame by denouncing Country Music Icon and Our Brand Representative Taylor Swift.”
Whilst Taylor Swift was not present at the grand event as she preferred to take to her tour to promote the new “Limitless” Drug by naming her upcoming album after it, she did send her regards and a message to Beyoncé to remind her that her next music video will break all boundaries and shatter Queen B’s reputation as the leader of the free-world.
When questioned about the legitimacy of the drug and the possible side-effects; we were assured by the research team that they’d taken all necessary precautions to mitigate any side-effects the drug might possibly have noting that, “There are no side-effects. As we made damn sure that once the customers start experiencing any spiders under their skin or paranoia; they instantly drop to a peaceful death”
Our internal chemical engineering team claims that though the drug’s chemical components do match the qualities of Meth, Crack Cocaine, and
Heroine— the added levels of Ibuprofen do help balancing the drug’s potency and should in-fact may just work.
We do wish to note here that the Big-Pharma people were kind enough to provide us with some “Limitless” samples, and we must acknowledge the results are absolutely astounding.
Our employees have been churning out work like Arnold Schwarzenegger pumps Iron, whilst performing guitar solo’s from classic songs such as November Rain and Comfortably Numb.