Alcoholics Anonymous warns Men, A.A. meetings are not designed for “Hitting on vulnerable women”.
In a bombshell announcement today, Alcoholics Anonymous Representatives have unanimously voted to ban recovering Alcoholics abusing the sanctity of the society to pick up vulnerable women.
Representative and Fully Recovered Ex- Raging Alcoholic Mr. Fieldman Touchbits issued a statement on the matter,
“These lousy men pretending to be recovering alcoholics think it’s some sort of Fight Club routine. They come in, make up sappy old stories and try to lure vulnerable women into their whole ‘Sympathy Routine’. I’m honestly sick of these jerks trying to ruin the good work that we’re trying to do here. One such lunatic last week even tried to spike coffee with Bourbon, calling it a ‘social experiment’. Absolutely pathetic.”
Appearing to be visibly angry, Mr. Touchbits even went as far as to say that the matter is to severe that it has in-fact driven him back into the end of a bottle as just last week he was arrested for public nudity and fornicating in a Jack Daniel’s Bottle shouting “IT AIN’T A PARTY UNTIL THE END OF A JACKY IS COVERED WITH MY JAMMY.”
Local Police claimed this was not in-fact an isolated incident. Since multiple reports have been made to the department of an Oldman resembling Mr. Fieldman Touchbits rampaging through gated communities butt-naked with a bottle of liquor in his hands.
Whilst the group of men who stand accused of exploiting A.A. meeting to meet women have maintained their innocence claiming, “What is a raging alcoholic to do when all Clubs and Bars won’t let us in. This is the only place we feel we can meet likeminded partners.”
The controversy casts a dark shadow over the legitimacy of A.A. programs; but Ms. Darla Dooditz seems confident that the Alcoholics Anonymous program is much stronger than to be distorted by some jerk-offs.
“I think this issue goes much deeper than horny recovering alcoholics. As far as the issue with the spiking is concerned; we’ve made necessary arrangements to make sure that sort-of thing does not happen again. Ensuring that from now forth, all liquids will contain a Three-Seal Packaging and go through rigorous examination to make sure they’re not spiked.”
When asked about if this would cause a hike in the price of water available at A.A. meetings, Dooditz shrugged “Look, all I know is. They gotta stay hydrated. Whether they can afford it or not; I say it’s Survival of the Fittest.”
Price of admission has been raised to 15$ a month, which Ms. Darla Dooditz maintains is “fair” and “necessary” to maintain only legitimate people enter the premises from now forth.
A new Bouncer has also been hired to make sure no trouble is caused at these secure meetings from now forth.
Alcoholics can be assured, they are now well protected under the roof of Ms. Dooditz.
